Spare the Rod…

I was brought up to believe that if you spare the rod, you’ll spoil the child. It was an on-going, hands-on lesson and when I became a young adult, I was firmly against hitting my children… right up until the time my first child was born. After a difficult labor, my doctor announced that I had a beautiful baby boy, but I was terrified because I couldn’t hear him, I forgot all my good intentions and yelled, “Spank him; he’s not crying!”

Well he did, and my son gasped his first breath of air and let out his first loud wail! I felt like a jerk.

As my children grew, I tried to keep to my convictions but there was the time my son ran out into a busy street… and the time my daughter bit the neighbor boy… and besides, it was biblical— “Spare the rod and spoil the child”.

Now I’m a grandma and it’s easy to be against corporeal punishment again. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more convinced I became the parable has been misinterpreted through the years by both theologians and parents.

…& Spoil the Child

“No child deserves to be pushed, pulled, pinched, or punched.” The sign was prevalent when my children were growing up and how it infuriated me!

I’m a believer in corporeal punishment. If a slap on the behind will keep my pre-schooler from running into a busy street, then I’m all for it! If a bite or a pinch will teach my child the pain he inflicts when he bites or pinches his sibling or playmate, then I’m all for that, too.

While I believe that corporeal punishment is acceptable when children’s actions endanger themselves or other living beings, in most cases, I think that disciplining a child with violence, no matter how well intentioned, merely teaches the child a socially unacceptable way of solving his or her problems.

I believe the proverb “Spare the rod and spoil the child” is misinterpreted.

Literally interpreted, the biblical proverb is not a Boolean expression. Yet, it is often understood to mean if you spare the rod, then you will spoil the child. Although I am not a theologian, I believe this parable has become lost in translation. I don’t think it was meant to be a disciplinary directive for children, but instead, a teaching directive for their parents.

“Spare* the rod”, literally put, simply means to dispense with it. Give it up, or at least use it frugally. The definition is simple and concise.

So, are we to spoil our children? Simply and concisely, yes! It seems to me that “spoil” is the maligned word. A word of many meanings, unfortunately in traditional interpretation of the parable, spoil is understood to mean corrupt, impair, and mar. However, spoil can also mean coddle, indulge, or pamper. I prefer to believe that the latter definitions characterize the true meaning of the parable.

I think we should coddle our children; hold them close while we are able. All too soon, they are grown and gone. We should indulge them in their dreams, fantasies, and ideas. By supporting their intellectual growth, we can help them learn how to set achievable goals.

Finally, we should pamper our children with frequent and open displays of our love for them. The more we are loved, the better we understand what love is. It follows, I think, that understanding love increases our ability to love others.