• I looked at my daughter and was proud to discover
• The light in her eyes was the love for her daughter.
• A light from within that shone as no other.
• As she held her and helped her and loved her and taught her.
• With wisdom and patience both foreign to me—
• I see she’s the mother I wanted to be

• It would be so easy to say,
• “I don’t care if you leave it there.
• It doesn’t matter if it should lay
• In the way for one more day.”
• But later on, it’s you, my child
• Who would have the higher price to pay.

• It would be so easy to say,
• “I don’t care if you swear.
• You hear it, these days, everywhere.
• A word’s just a word anyway.”
• But later on, it’s you, my child
• Who would have the higher price to pay.

• It would be so easy to say,
• “I don’t care if you steal.
• Everyone does it; I know how you feel.
• Rules were made to be broken, not to obey.”
• But later on, it’s you, my child
• Who would have the higher price to pay.

• It would be so easy to say,
• “I don’t care what you do.
• It’s your life, it’s up to you!”
• But you might be a parent someday
• And later on, it’s you, my child
• Who would have the higher price to pay.

Spare the Rod…

I was brought up to believe that if you spare the rod, you’ll spoil the child. It was an on-going, hands-on lesson and when I became a young adult, I was firmly against hitting my children… right up until the time my first child was born. After a difficult labor, my doctor announced that I had a beautiful baby boy, but I was terrified because I couldn’t hear him, I forgot all my good intentions and yelled, “Spank him; he’s not crying!”

Well he did, and my son gasped his first breath of air and let out his first loud wail! I felt like a jerk.

As my children grew, I tried to keep to my convictions but there was the time my son ran out into a busy street… and the time my daughter bit the neighbor boy… and besides, it was biblical— “Spare the rod and spoil the child”.

Now I’m a grandma and it’s easy to be against corporeal punishment again. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more convinced I became the parable has been misinterpreted through the years by both theologians and parents.

…& Spoil the Child

“No child deserves to be pushed, pulled, pinched, or punched.” The sign was prevalent when my children were growing up and how it infuriated me!

I’m a believer in corporeal punishment. If a slap on the behind will keep my pre-schooler from running into a busy street, then I’m all for it! If a bite or a pinch will teach my child the pain he inflicts when he bites or pinches his sibling or playmate, then I’m all for that, too.

While I believe that corporeal punishment is acceptable when children’s actions endanger themselves or other living beings, in most cases, I think that disciplining a child with violence, no matter how well intentioned, merely teaches the child a socially unacceptable way of solving his or her problems.

I believe the proverb “Spare the rod and spoil the child” is misinterpreted.

Literally interpreted, the biblical proverb is not a Boolean expression. Yet, it is often understood to mean if you spare the rod, then you will spoil the child. Although I am not a theologian, I believe this parable has become lost in translation. I don’t think it was meant to be a disciplinary directive for children, but instead, a teaching directive for their parents.

“Spare* the rod”, literally put, simply means to dispense with it. Give it up, or at least use it frugally. The definition is simple and concise.

So, are we to spoil our children? Simply and concisely, yes! It seems to me that “spoil” is the maligned word. A word of many meanings, unfortunately in traditional interpretation of the parable, spoil is understood to mean corrupt, impair, and mar. However, spoil can also mean coddle, indulge, or pamper. I prefer to believe that the latter definitions characterize the true meaning of the parable.

I think we should coddle our children; hold them close while we are able. All too soon, they are grown and gone. We should indulge them in their dreams, fantasies, and ideas. By supporting their intellectual growth, we can help them learn how to set achievable goals.

Finally, we should pamper our children with frequent and open displays of our love for them. The more we are loved, the better we understand what love is. It follows, I think, that understanding love increases our ability to love others.

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The day had been humid, hot, and long. Warm skin tingled in the grasp of the cool night air. A million stars beckoned to my imagination. All senses acutely alive, I listened for the sounds of the night and heard the laughter of neighborhood youngsters; voices kindred to those of my children so many years ago.

For just a moment, I wished the nostalgic wish that occasionally crosses every grandma’s mind. I wished that I could go back in time and hear the youthful voices of my children and their friends one more time.

“More time,” I thought. “What would you do if you could have more time?” Of course, I don’t know. I can only hope that I would spend it more wisely than I did before. I hope that—

• I would spend more time provoking their laughter and less time stifling their tears;
• More time praising their virtues and less time picking at their faults;
• More time enjoying their present and less time fretting about their future.

For the truth is, we don’t get to keep them forever. In fact, sometimes we don’t get to keep them at all.